I'm not your mother

Hello Bloggy,
Long time no write.
My computer is incredibly slow today and so am I.
I wish I had something exciting to report, but I don't. Business has been abysmally slow, making it difficult to make ends meet. There have been a few days where I wouldn't even leave the house because I didn't even have a dollar to spend. A tightened grip on my cash flow means less dining out and watching every penny I spend. It sucks and it's no fun. I depend on money entirely too much. That makes me think a little about how I should change things so that I don't depend on it for happiness. Or perhaps a better investing strategy.
I've been in a funk too, because Mother's Day is approaching. This will be my first Mother's Day without my mom. It's making me really sad and bringing up all the pain of losing her. I know it's just a Hallmark kind of holiday, complete with all the crass consumerism and vapid marketing crap, (the jewelry commercials are the worst offenders) but I just miss my mom. I miss her so damned much. Life has been so weird since she died, and I cannot comprehend the profound ways in which her death has changed me, and not for the better. This morning at the grocery store the bag girl said "Happy Mother's Day" to me in a cheery voice. I wanted to punch her. (Is that bad?) I was offended, not only because I am not a mother but because I just lost mine. I wondered what would make her say that to me when Mother's Day isn't even here for 3 more days. Do I look like someone's MOTHER? It bothered me deeply for a few minutes until I took a deep breath, realized that she was just leaving me with a jaunty surface social greeting and I had to let it all go. In with the good, out with the bad. Breathe. Fucking breathe.