On Happiness...

Well Hello!
I'm back. Seems I haven't had time to write in ages. I've also not had too much to write about. I'm not sure I want to keep on writing about depression and how it affects me. I miss my mom every day. Strange how particular little things will bring it on... smells or passing by a certain building, like last night when I went to rent a movie I had to walk past the Victoria Court Post Office. Memories of my mom flooded through me. I just got so sad. It's hard to explain how the world is to me now with her gone. It's a different place. Emptier, for sure. I feel cheated when I think of how young she was when she died, how she died. I wish she had been healthier. I wish she knew how to take better care of herself and had been happier (that's what I wish the most). I also am fearful that I would ever follow in her footsteps. I must always strive to live my best life. I remember once asking my mom what would make her happy. She paused for a long time, not really having an easy answer. That was an eye opener. I have since thought of that question a lot. What makes you happy? And like her, I'm not so sure. That scares me a little. So today I comprised a quick surface off the cuff list.
Some things that make me happy are:
*A good day at the beach
*finishing a painting and feeling really good about it
*getting flowers (thanks, e!)
*Thinking about buying my first house & how that'll feel
*gardening
*a really good meal
*my friends
*really good wine
*out of town friends who visit
*my phsycho kitties
*the blue jays at my house
*trying something new and exhilarating, like white water rafting


That's a simple enough list. So I've done or had all of those things lately, but overall am I happy? I mean really happy? No. So maybe I'll need to think on this basic question a little more. Maybe we all should, instead of just going through the motions. Maybe my happiness is overshadowed by the loss of my mom and what the healing process entails, or maybe the happiness vein is a little deeper in the mine and I just haven't struck it yet. I don't know, but I could sure use a little more happiness in my life.


In other mundane day to day life, I've been working out at UCSB, temping here with a friend of mine, who works in the communication dept. I answer phones for the whole campus. It's actually fun. The scope of all the different calls I get is colorful and wide, and I get to surf the internet all day long in between calls, a definite plus. Some of the callers are SO STUPID! Oh, man, I cannot believe these people are associated with higher education. I could write volumes on some of these callers (people actually peeing while on the phone with me!). I'm on my last few days of a 4 week stint and I've got a really bad cold. I'm trying to land a regular job out here at UCSB and finally quit the Palace (Oh, God, Hallelujah, that will be the day!) I will celebrate on THAT day!

Lastly, have you ever left your laundry in the washer too long and then it takes on a horrible musty smell? UGH! I must have done that, because this morning the pants I put on reek like someone's disgusting dirty feet!!!! Ha ha. Of course I didn't notice this until I got in my car and it was too late. Now I have to live with this damp moldy crevice-cheese stench all day before I can get home and feel clean.
Y-U-U-Y-Y-Yucky!

I leave you with today's website picks-O-the day:

www.cuteoverload.com
www.uglyoverload.blogspot.com

And Today's thought:
"Run towards your fears.

Embrace them.

On the other side of your

greatest fears lives your

greatest life".

--Robin Sharma

Arevaderchi, Bellas!