Make it count!

Looking back over the blogs I've written, I see a lot of grief and sarcasm and negativity. I guess it's only natural when I've been hurting so much... But I wonder how people can like someone who hates facial hair and does not want children?
I realize that writing it all out helps, and though I'd rather be writing blogs that are reporting on some amazing nail-biting overseas journeys, or vital work on a mission somewhere, doing something very important for mankind, this is where I am now:
Still here in Santa Barbara, taking stock of my life after the profound loss of my mother. Like the Nick Cave song where he says "on the occasions I came up for air
I saw my life and wondered what the hell I had been living"...I wonder how I got to here. I drink too much and I need to stop. I need to wake up earlier and live more. Live BETTER. I really want to live my life like there is no tomorrow, like my ass is on fire. Really make every moment count, and truly make a difference. GO PLACES and DO THINGS. When I realize how many years I have lived in SB not going anywhere it shocks me. And how can I accomplish this better life if I mostly want to stay in my comfy warm house and hibernate from the world? Maybe the answer lies in getting outside of my comfort zone...
I want to leave things a little better than when I came in. I want the people I love to really know it (and that probably means YOU if you are reading this). Sometimes, when I take stock of it all I wonder if I am doing this to the full extent of my ability. Usually the answer is no, so something has got to give.

I'm now thinking about and preparing for the next big stage in my life. This will be a big change, an upheaval of epic proportions. I'll turn everything upside down and uproot it all, to lay it down in another city, and when I do, I want to be taking my spiritual temperature too... making more room for God in my life and doing more for mankind. Volunteering more, traveling more, reading more, learning more, doing more. Life is so beautiful and wonderous. LOOK at where we live! Just the other day I had lunch with some of my co-workers at Mussel Shoals. Let me tell you, it was gorgeous.
So... I hope that my blogs will begin to take on a better and more hopeful feel. I want to make it count. As time passes, I want to evolve and be the very BEST me I can be.
I love you all so much.
XOXO
~Sheryl